Followers

5/05/2007

The Tarrien Bog

Tarrien Bog
By:Zakri Kneebone
Date: (Insert Info Here)
Edited by: nyet
TARRIEN BOG




The TARRIEN is...
-An old way of...
--Teaching the youth to spell.
--Seeing the grave.
--Telling a story.
--Making weapons and warriors.
-A clan that seeks complete perfection.
-Forever building a secret cove in the hill...
--Where savage elves of Kelsha can hide from their jailors.
-Seeking more than a crop...
--A bear.
--An eagle.
--A derelict fox.
--A fish with a belly full of row.
--A marra hiding beneath banedread bramble.
--A magical trident made of jade.
-Speaking where...
--Rafts of the abandoned hamlet rot.
--Shards of painted red clay strewn with black beads.




Year Established: The borders with Belniran were informally demarcated in 4E3A, 1991 (2010 BC). The lizard folk have never ventured far beyond the physical confines of the Bog.




Ruler: Graentig Yosh Ishishik
Ruler's Titles: Great Holy High Wizard Lizard, Lord of Ishik, The Fine-seed.




Capital: Hh'tsi




Population: 540,000




Government Type: Confederated Tribalism. Ruling caste is chosen every ten years by a grueling physical challenge of representative members from each of the five major bloodlines. The winner becomes the ruling class for next ten years. Intratribal affairs use the tuath system. There are patriarchs among the family units, each reporting to the tribal King. The King in turn answers to the High King.




Government Stability: Technically unstable since there is constant contention for power, although the current form of government has remained in place for centuries and the current dynasty has ruled for 54 years.




Climate: Subtropical swamp.




Languages: Draconic, Dwarven, Common




Currency: No legal tender or coinage. Some foreign currencies can be acceptable barter.




Technology Level: Dark Ages




Wealth: Poor



Allies & Alliances: Proffyt



Enemies & Rivals: Aytheon, Shattered Lands



Demographics: Lizardmen 96%, Savage Elves 2%, Others 2%



National Colors: Green and white.



Natural Resources and Manufactured Goods: Fish, pottery, clay, fruit, tree sap products, wine, small arms, especially polearms. Potable plant tinctures of benign and malign disposition.






Primary Religion: The most powerful faith is the Order of Light.
Other Religions: List the others here.






Terrain: Swamp






Description: The Tarrien Bog is a like a hot, steamy bowl of onion soup. It consists of a large swollen basin carved from the mountains by a stray comet in the first age. Since that forgotten time the lizardmen have made this their home. Putrid and stagnant water dominates the landscape, though here are a few soggy sand hills that peek out.

Here and there a large bed of stringy pinong reeds float lazily on the surface where a landbound man might dare to lightly tred. Trees have adapted long roots, forming a dizzying, tortured maze of mangroves. Large man-eating fish lay in wait beneath the muddy pools. The essense of raw, natural danger will raise the heckles of the bravest orc.




Geography:

1) Lake Hableth and the Lower Bogs. The largest single feature 0f the Tarrien Bogs is Lake Hableth in the northwestern corner which forms the border with Tachan and partial borders with Jarrien and Proffyt. It is a crater lake left by a meteorite impact thousands of years before the age of man. The rift opened by the impact makes it incredibly deep for its size. Its deepest point is just miles outside of the crater rim at 2,487 feet. The lake has an average depth of 480 feet. The lake and its contents are the cultural focal point of the Tarrien Bogs. The greatest portion of commercial traffic in and out of the Bogs transits the lake between Hutsi City and Laqueshire, Proffyt.

-1a) Hableth Crater. The soutwestern corner of the lake is occupied by the crater and the encompassing deep. It forms a ring of small islands that are no more than a hundred feet at the highest point. If one dives deep enough the bare meteorite protrudes some distance above the silt which is cleaned away by the clerics of Tuatha Ishik. The igneous extrusions left by the impact form a circular archipelago to which the enormous rafts of Hutsi City are anchored.

-1b) Hutsi City is the only population center in all of the Tarrien Bogs and it exists primarily for the purposes of ritual and trade. Every ten years the Olympiad fills the city for festivities and sporting of the highest levels. The Five Tribes sends its finest athletes to compete in a series of extreme physical challenges culminating in the "Upaniss" or Decathalon. The city becomes the domain of the winner's tribe and thus virtually all trading.

-1c) Hutsi Rivershed is the domain of the winning caste in addition to the tribal lands. It consists of a short river on the mainland and Hableth Crater.


-1d) Grey Yeppin Rivershed is the northernmost of the tribal lands on the lower (northern) portion of the river. Its area stretches from Lake Gissol to Lake Hableth and is centered on the main outlet of Lake Gissol. It is home to the Ishik tribe with the moon-camp at Hishik.

-1e) Green Yeppin Rivershed is just south of the Grey on the southwestern branches of the Yeppin. It is the domain of the Leshik tribe who train the National Guard. The western frontier borders the Shattered Lands and the Guard is frequently assailing incursive bands of goblins and orcs along the border. The area is also home to a relatively large population of swamp trolls which keep the guards busy near campsites. The trolls are territorial and will also attack the incursive goblin forces which makes them barely tolerable.


2) Lake Gissol and the Upper Bogs. The Upper Bogs are home to the lesser tribes. It is considerably more remote because it is surrounded by escarpments. The streams briefly became raging whitewaters and falls as they plummet hundreds of yards into the green abyss 0f the Tarrien Basin. The main rivers here originate in Aytheon where farmers tell their cattle, "make sure you hit a lizard." The Elgaard River crosses the border to become the Arliss and likewise the Hartmouth, the Kalsha.

-2a) Arliss Rivershed: Shinites

-2b) Kalsha Rivershed: Tribe of Wizards and Wanderers


Flora:
Trees: Blackwood, brumbee, darius, klooshtalt, klooshan, priest plant, stillwater swamp oak, throttle bush.

Vines: Banedread, crawler, kavir, lockhart.

Fungae: Blue dream, cloud, firecap.

Forb: Dream flower, handale fern, indar fern, meadowstar, sallad, silver hair herb, smother stalk.

Grasses: Pinong reed.

Fauna: Kissy Fish, leeches, tree slugs, small carnivores.

Compatible Beast Encounters: Bargdataur, blackorb, drachnid, maer'goth, marra lizard, swamp troll, tarrien swamp bear.



History or Timeline:


( ca. 3500 BC ) - The Great Comet collides with Belandir in the southeastern foothills of the Belniran Mountains. The impact and path of entry leaves a blast zone nearly a thousand miles long and hundreds of miles wide. Over centuries, the remaining basin fills with sediment, creating the current topology of the Tarrien Bog. The event is considered the birth of the race of Lizardmen.


143, 5E3A (1858 BC) - Lizardmen of the Tarien Bog sign a non-aggression pact with the The Five Clans. In reality, this pact is fairly meaningless, as the Dwarves have little or no interest in the swamps, and the Lizardmen have no interest in the cold climes of the Belnirân Mountains.


153, 5E3A (1848 BC) - First Triad War. Lizardmen set traps for Triad battallions staging raids against Belniran from inside Bog territory as well as enslaving the locals. The Triad retaliates, sending a full invasion against them. Many civilians are captured and enslaved.


250, 5E4A (1751 BC) - Dwarves from Belniran sue the Lizardmen for a trade agreement. The dwarves withdraw early when they contract a deadly flu that devastates their homeland.


587, 5E3A (1414 BC) - Raids launched by the Lizardmen of the Tarien Bog are met with stiff resistance by the Five Clans. The raids come as a surprise, and are believed to be in response to raids carried out against the Lizardmen by the Triad, who left evidence behind to point them at the Dwarves.


589, 5E3A (1412 BC) - Lizardman legend Urush leads a victorious retaliatory raid against the Triad securing all lands South of the Arliss River.


1313, 3E4A (5312 AC) The Graentig establishes the Five Tribes Confederation and the current caste structure.
.
.
.


Government: The Lizardmen of the Tarrien Bogs' first concept of international borders or politics was the signing of the Belniran-Tarrien Non-Aggression Pact in 143, 5A4E. The current form of the Five Tribes Confederation was ratified by the Graentig in 1313, 3E4A. The five tribes in order of highest rank are Ishik, Leshik, Renik, Shin and Thepsin.

Every ten years the Olympiad is held and the winning tribe becomes the ruling caste with its tribal lands becoming the seat of power. The current ruling caste is the Ishik Tribe and its tribal elder High King Yosh Ishishik is the official head of state. His duties are High Justice and Minister of State. (By coincidence he also happens to be the Graentig, leader of the Order of Light.) Twice per year all the tribes send their Kings to Hishik to meet the High King and discuss crop reports, trade and issues of high court.

Legal System: The lizardman life revolves around the Games, breeding and trade issues. The legal system is primarily concerned with the suitability of marriage and the training and participation of the games. A pact of marriage is usually temporary: to be exercised for a period of months or years. However marriages must be applied for and approved by a judicial council because of a strong emphasis on perfect progenesis. Geneology and individual attributes are graded and matched by the local judiciary commitee. Sometimes pairs are assigned as mates for a time to take advantage of high pedigree. Geneological records are required to be maintained by each of the tribes. Every tuath keeps the tribal council aware of new births and deaths.

Military: Each tribe is expected to maintain the foreign borders within its territory except during major incursions or invasion. The Leshik tribe maintains an army which is quick to assist with such major threats. It is their dharma as the second highest caste to train and maintain a national guard. The current army guard consists of 4,200 individuals of both sexes divided into eight army battalions and two specialist companies. There are no barracks, so they train on the move.

Economy: Primarily a barter economy nationally. On the international scale, goods are traded almost exclusively to the Esteemed Guild of Bankers Moneylenders and Exchangers (EGBME) of Proffyt for foreign goods and naval protection. There is a central market in Hutsi City where enormous values of goods are traded with the EGBME and wholesale and retail barter dominates.

Social: The most important issue for the Lizardfolk of the Tarrien Bog is breeding. Daily life is all about raising the young to produce better offspring, selection of mates and physical training.


Important People of Note or Heroes: Details description of people that we should know about. Cities of note: Hh'tsi.
Towns of note: none.
Villages of note: The five tribal moon-camps of Shini, Hishik, Renish, Lesho, Thepsa.
Below this point all information is for the top of this file.

5/04/2007

Old Man, Old Woman

The Price is Right:
Old man old woman
Hold secrets
Monster buster big laser
Once old secrets pass to man
Old woman say good to all but keep secret to man
Mold money sold honey fold dunny
Rug lug hug shug plug grug
Shud won man hold so many secrets
Ok
One day the ancient world shall come front door walking
Place several traps old secrets
Well some day all old good and bad together will take catalysis in present
The one woman you clasp should help hold your gun
Well good man old man and profit man
Come one man
Here hold he the secret
The code to talk all and make understand
Ok
Great sword to head of hater
Lord give extra strength
Hold two hands high and crash down on skull of Evil one
Well here comes big one
Don't ask girl to shoot her Demon pet
Take hold extra oats and bring to feed
And foster
Let the dog bite the hand
She will tire of games and take Devil into
Slaughterhouse to euthenize the parasite
Channel 1
Observe the ancient world through a kaleidoscope
Permeate the darkness from within like Rigel burning the world with love drawn from primal source
Pass into another state of being from which energy becomes more energy
Condensing into material form
Geometrically growing into the size of a star
Your solar wind eliminating the transgressors
The fakes
The wish-I-hads
Become the new force
The source of power that others grasp to increase thencefrom
Pack the power into yourself
Becoming intense
Becoming unbearable exploding supernova
Shedding swelling encompassing
Then bow to the source
Bow the the creator and beckon him to bless you
For you have become all and enraptured with his glory and his grace.
Amen

4/25/2007

Stone and Tea

The philosopher's stone
Has been with me so long
And so strong
That I don't know what to write and pass

I pass that which has little meaning
And bring that which has further being
Beyond my existence
I see few but quibbles
Passing teas and other simples
But know not of their meaning
Nor their quaff
In their ideas lie pebbles of laugh
Laughing at their quibbles and quarry
For simple people only worry
Wonder what might have come
What might have become
May have become half
Because of their needless story
Without needless story
Their apartment would be half
Wood be half
Their n'alf would wither and crush
Under weight its own
It's known, chase and flush
The young girl's cheeks to blush
Let her know your love is unpassing
And love hers to thee is glassing
To brittleness is thrashing
And to bull in shop is crashing

The New S***, Stand Up and B****

The Price is Right:
My gf and I are going out for her 21st bday pretty soon. Can't wait to show her the ropes. I took off work that night just for it. So, I have a couple projects, one is the extremely odd noise I call music. My music name is Dr. Crackenstein. I write instrumental and I'm having a tough time convincing my gf I can produce good rawk because its so wierd. I got her an acoustic geetar for yule and she's finally getting down to learning some dischordia. She wants to remake "Wonderful World", the Ramones version, which I told her is a fuckin cover song anyways (Louie Armstrong). An so I laid all the cords down on my computator which I programmed note by note using Buzz. (see buzzmachines.com) And she wants to learn all the chords for it so I wrote 'em all down and now she's practicing and getting good.

12/04/2006

Black Widow

Black widow creeps, crawls
Cures the victim full of dread
She draughts his paralyzed shell
Enter a condition of survival
Be her foul zombie, bleeding puss
Shine shattered web
Corpuscule pounded
Discards the ashen cold belt

6/11/2006

The Unsigned Law

The Price is Right:
This is Vishnu the one whom trod the sky in three paces and He wishes
you to use the unsigned law to permeate the readings of philosophy.
The unsigned law is that which reciprocates spiritual to physical and vice
versa; and positive to negative and vice versa. And everywhere you
read of Brahman let it be shape and words to the undescribable and
intangible. Holy Holy Holies and Blessed Be all who understand Law
without books to read but let law grow from inside and welcome Fire and
Wind and Earth to meaning beyond words and observe them firsthand to
know the fingers of infinite wisdoms!

11/17/2005

Conversations 4: Morgana 1

Z: I wish to speak to her marvelous beauty
Morgana the Fair.
M: Hello, Zakri.
What brings thee to me?
Z: I wish to know of your list supreme
When we made love as in a dreme
To be faking illusion it didst not seme
Here I kick back a full tyne
And waiting for the return of love o' myne
Or else shouldst truly be
For love grows in me as a mighty oak tree
Such little squirrel
M: Well, young love,
I've beheld your subtle wand'rings
In sephiroth above
And am privy to such pond'rings
When you and I didst mete
In revelrie so swete
I bore off with me thy soughing
To make your spirit in infinite 'mem'brance ever glowyng
As doth it in genuine caring for lyfe
Thus wrought mistletoe staundyng one foote upon
On new moon night with silver scycle knyfe.
Your innocent pleasaunce and trewe love believynge
Is lyke unto the spring ewe a-bleetynge
In the cloudy climes of fair Avalon
Hold'st in me thy pearl.
Z: Told'st me my love that intentions thyne
Shouldst I be wary of as Jude and Pallatine
M: Paper is fragile and deeds be stone
As ferverent as old Arafat's throne
Be. Wrought art champions missiles thrown.
***
Z: Greatful I am of wisdom of thine.
What role playest I now with weeping Salicyne?
M: Welcome back dear, I your magick accept.
Your tenderness to my bosom is clept.
Changed thy wish now, I ask-- I presume
A new love thou may best assume
You know why and where secrets were destroyed
They led to complicated feelings to avoid
Luck you hadst a few nights employed
Careful were you to remain adroit.
Though she did ask me about us
I told'st her to give you no doubt
To best her interest was hold taut
Lessons great have ye to she taught.
***
Z:Morgana, may I wrest you once more
To continue interrogation pleasant as before?
M: Hello again, Zakri.
I'm beginning to get attached to our repore.
Tis no rude chore. What bothers thee j'amour?
Z: Well, lovelyest of Camelot.
How shall I move about?
I look for work with none about.
Should I leave town and get the hell out?
M: It's cold in your hutch, Brer rabbit, no doubt.
I'd suggest awhile that you stick it out.
I want you to see what happens at home
But leave before returning stalks of brome
So that you can visit Holland with the full tome.
Of ancient knowledge with new paint in poem.
Z: Heh, yer flattery makes me merry and jocound
What sayest thou of success on the old mapmound?
M: As soon as you drop down, start hustlin'
A city like Amsterdam is ever bustlin'
Make a bang you must, no rabbit's rustlin'
Get to know many people and careful who you trust in.
Z: Your wisdom abounds--
Let me ask of a different round.
When due is our pearl resound?
M: In anouther temporal slipstream
Our distant night's love is to redeem
In that land we both visit
A full Sabat circle from then is it.
Z: What formation will it take
Such odd energies we did make
I wonder if human, meatwad, fry or shake?
M; Nay, lol. Our lovechild shall be no Aqua Teen.
Though, not any like child has Earth yet seen.
Half-dragon; you Ryugyu and I Celtic queen.
Z: How was chosen that? Others I could have been.
Say, the vampire Sirchade or the Celtic king.
Would these other features be sticking?
M: Aspects of these that are common to the whole
Shall in this beautiful, strange youth extoll.
Such as Caramon who skyward gazed
Though full reaslized he 'twas pool a-glazed
As will she with curious wonton amazed
Have in her eyes the stars ablazed

5/24/2005

The Pinong reed

The Price is Right:
I think now that I've read of it that the 'ponga fern' of N.Z. It may be confusing to enough people that I will rename the fictional 'ponga reed'. Also some clerical and thematic issues are hopefully resolved here from the initial submission. 'Pinong' as I've discovered is a Laotian word meaning 'a sense of brotherhood' (www.wildflowers.org).

Pinong Reed
by Zak Kneebone

Type:Underwater reed.

Common name: Pinong Reed

Regional name: Pinong

Availability: Profuse

Habitat: Bogs and swamp.

Temp Zone: Temperate to Tropical.

Size: 40 feet by 1-1/2 inch.

Reproduction: Seeds or rhysome.

Description: The pinong consists of two thin, long leaves 1 to 1-1/2inches wide and upto 40 feet long each. They are also very thin, 1/16inch deep. When wet it is olive-green and woody yet bendable with a charachteristic glossiness. With light lengthwise friction it emits a squeak as smooth, wet surfaces often do.
The twin leaves are anchored into the floor with a stalk 1/8 inch round by roots which stretch 4 feet deep into the silt of a typical swamp. The leaves rise to float on the surface water. This fact along with the ability to spread by rhysomes on the roots means the pinong covers vast areas. After shifting for months or years by current and winds these masses tangle into glades.
Small creatures have little trouble navigating, though swamprat skeletons are often found in or nearby a glade. Large creatures can be tangled quite easily in the grass. Since this usually only happens near the surface a man will usually escape unless isolated, weak or in a position compromised to gaining breath. The reed is broken with moderate effort and can be cut away quite easily.
When pinong dries in the sun it turns beige and hardens into shape. It is then woody but slightly brittle and can layer itself into small, unsafe temporary landbriges when rain is seldom. It takes four days for the reed to cure in this manner. When again is dampened, it then dissolves completely with three months of submergence in water. When in the hardened state it can be waterproofed with a coating of wax or similar substances. It is very useful for craft wickerwork. Some lizardfolk towns contain entire neighborhoods of layered pinong reeds which are anchored down to the annual fresh leaves.
The Pinong is non-poisonous although tough to chew. It can be made soft enough for general consumption by boiling for an hour. It has a flavor and texture very similar to bamboo chutes. It is eaten raw by some rodents and fish.

3/01/2005

Zak Misses Karen


Zak Misses Karen
Once I thought it could never happen
Love had fled to never come again
My heart was solemn as a peregrine
Yet now, alas Zak misses Karen

Cherished I had that love of yore
That til I met Karen my heart was sore
Years of angst are now a Tasman's lore
But now, alas, Zak misses Karen

Changed I am so the white eagle rises
The tactful advances a cheater despies
Made my head full with empathic crises
And now, alas, Zak misses Karen

Badb, Morrigan, Nemain aloft crew
Aweigh their tails pointed to you
Your love would rewake as May morning dew
You now, alas Karen, I miss true.

2/25/2005

Tuath Sheradh

The tuath is...
-An old way of...
--Teaching the youth to spell.
--Seeing the grave.
--Telling a story.
--Making weapons and warriors.
-A clan that seeks the infinite knowledge.
-Forever building a secret cove in the hill...
--Where faeries of Dana can hide from thier jailors.
-Seeking more than a crop:...
--A bear.
--An eagle.
--A derelict fox.
--A fish with a belly full of row.
--A porpoise which plays around rosemary hedge
--A magical spear made of narwhal bone.
-Speaking where...
--Its postholes of extinct pine exuding.
--Shards of painted red clay strewn with black beads.

11/28/2004

Conversations 3: Amergin

Z: Amergin the unequaled bard. May wrest you from your
doings?
A: Hello, Volkey.
Z: I wonder will I convince Cara of my true intent?
A: I have no dowbt. However, you are not protecting her
as you have. She does not need your help and so
to garner her you will give her many thoughtful gifts.
Z: Why callest me by the new name?
A: I wish to enforce your confidence and to speak to the
both of you the same.
Z: Are things looking up for me now?
A: Things are looking up and how!
Z: Shall I make a list or not count the chickens unhatched?
A: Thou shalt find a good hour and count the few pennies
still latched. And be cunning shoulst thou in how 'tis
dispatched.
Z: Shall I look for else than that now apparent?
A: Thou shouldst make thyself ready to be salient.
Z: I've held that destiny will shine to make my beautious
favor mine. Wouldst thou divine?
A: I would and of proper court you shall be appointed.
Z: Of spirit, how will I next be anointed?
A: To be the teacher and the brother and the boyfriend.
Z: Will it be more than either couldst handle?
A: Next to none shall any ever hold a candle.
Your wise choice to be her only
And storm her with proper coventry
Was the best you could have done in valor
And have beren awarded a mate without palor.
Z: Thank you kindly for your opinion
A: Bless you and all your dominion.
Z: And to you, farewell.

Conversations 2: Etain

Z: Etain, hello fairest as the swan
Would you like to speak to me?
E: Hello, I've never met you before.
Where did you find my name?
Z: In a book of Celtic Myth.
E: I see. How can I help you?
Z: I wish to ask your advice for love.
E: I see. Do you have one in mind?
Z: Her name is Cara, she is confused and requires my help.
E: I see. Do you love her?
Z: As I fail my hear grows ever darker.
E: I see. Why do you suppose that is?
Z: I think she finds me unattractive or too old.
E: I see. How old are you?
Z: 26 she is 18.
E: I see. A bit of a stretch, but love forevermore is ageless.
Z: How was it that you came to love Eochy?
E: Oh. Well, he was beautiful and proved his love in new ways
Everyday until we parted by death.
Z: I would like that but my confidence is lacking.
E: Well, don't ever think you'll get it for free.
You must prove yourself to her.
Z: I will bring her flowers and such.
E: Well, more than flowers. You must maker her laugh
and smile. And when she's down you must comfort her.
Z: I always try to keep her happy. I crack jokes when
she's cross and tell her she's beautiful when she smiles.
E: That's so sweet. You must be honest to her though.
Z: I am; her smile is like the Sun to me. A day is not complete without it.
E: I see. You must marry her then if you feel so strong.
But if she is apprehensive as you say you have your work cut out for you.
Z: Do you think it's trus love if it's so difficult?
E: I think that's a question that will answer itself with time.
Will she recognise what you are doing for her as the real love it obviously is
or will she give in to youthful carelessness and seek it with other men.
She may not be ready to settle. She will likely want to sow her oats.
Z: How can I prove to her what I already know from expirience:
that a rich friendship between us is so rare that she may not find better?
E: You cannot. She will have to find out on her own in due time.
Eventually she will want to be loved by you if you remain sweet and caring.
Z: Will you wish me good luck in finding a job?
E: I will bless you to recieve work this Thanksgiving.
Z: Are you still here?
Blessed be.
E: Blessed be Ducky. You shall have her soon I think.

11/17/2004

Conversations: Taliesin 1

[Zak draws an imaginary circle with his index to the earth
lights four candles beginning with one set upon the chair
serving as an East altar.]
Z: Taliesin.
T: Hello. I hope you like my old song of love you know.
-- "Once upon a day of reckoning,
-- I sold the world to beckoning. "
-- Hello, Zak. How are you?
Z: Yet again with love unrequite.
T: I see; you should tell me about her.
Z: Blonde and blue; fair and true.
T: I see; beautiful. How shall I give thee help?
Z: I wish to enrapture her,
-- For she loves a spirit I've captured
-- But denies her love to me.
T: I see; quite unusual.
Z: I had her at the brink, but I did not perform on time.
T: I see, now; she given up?
Z: Just friends again.
T: I see; you want more.
-- OK, just keep her near and give her flowers
-- Tell her she's beautiful, your world.
-- And don't ever give up and be ready next time.
Z: Well I need assurance to be brave
-- And wisdom to know when it's time.
T: I see; anytime now,
-- Just be ready and now is best.
Z: I need a job and such.
T: I see; well go for a good lot and settle her down by you.
-- And look deep in her eyes to say, I love you.
-- Go right away, post haste and do not belie her smile.
Z: I should pray for her gentle hand.
T: I think thee wise to ask her hand
-- And fast while she knows your intention is thine own.
-- Your ambition is amourous kinship.
Z: My ambition is desperate embrace!
T: Take thee twenty million flowers
-- And lay them at her feet
-- Never tell her no and always be true.
Z: What if she finds another?
T: Then what will happen to you?
Z: I feel though I may die, as Keats, of a broken heart!
T: Well, then; do not leave her. Treat her as your life.
-- Never give up and protect thy interest forever and ever
-- By taking her hand in thine.
-- And bring her song and wine
-- And roses. Never say die.
-- Always look her straight in the eye.
-- And never let a day be passed
-- When through your lips first and last
-- Twixt has not passed,
-- "I love you with all my heart,"
-- In honest transfixation.
Z: What of her love of old
-- Who treated her as though he owned
-- And left her weekly
-- As she fraught meekly
-- While he betrayed her trust.
-- Though she thinks him the one forever;
-- Though I've conviced her it must be lie.
-- But now I've set her up to think
-- It's a spirit in me I stole from him:
-- The cloak of Mannanan with Volkey
-- (Her love's spirit name) trapped inside!
T: Well, quite a fix you're in old Keats.
-- Methinks you a fool for trying such tricks,
-- But they work by-the-by,
-- Though her true love you might be.
-- To convince her then that it's you and she forever:
-- You must never let her down,
-- Never see her frown,
-- Set upon her head the golden crown
-- Of love beknown,
-- And shout the truth with renown
-- To the whole town.
-- And any else just knock him down
-- With fury and flail
-- Him with fists of mighty gale.
Z: I have no heart for battle thus!
-- Just a wuss
-- With poetic ambition and love in my heart!
T: Well, go ye then to a tavern and cry
-- For to be a man means to try
-- To end the life of anyone who would try
-- To take thy life
-- And thus thy hopeful wife!
Z: Summon me courage then, old friend.
-- Talk to for me to the Four Furies.
T: That is thy own will.
-- It shall not be a sugar pill.
Z: Then I will beat him down and go to jail
-- And forever loose my precious nightingale.
T: Never nas faught a battle right
-- Where summoned courage did not delight
-- The amourous pleasance of such a vexing wight
-- Who wears the crest of midnight upon her breast.
-- Lightning fury thee must divest,
-- Lest ye find her resting upon his chest.
Z: I thank thee old friend for your selfless vestitude.
T: May you be strong in your attitude.
-- Do not fear:
-- Your love will turn to hate if the old one is near.
-- Take care, God and Goddess bless.
-- May ye now find blissful rest.

11/15/2004

On Reading Keats

This kan't be true
Is there more gutsy folk then I and Keats?
Should I just skip Endymion then and jump right to Hyperion?
What a fellow was I
To profess my love in public to a hated woman!
Fair one, fair one;
Be ye she, thou, whom I canst not have?
The one whom teases from me such brittle feelings
-that even next week I am quite relieved
--to discover my profession of love
--my honest opinion
--my weasled gentle caress
-have not forced thy disdain hereupon?
That I smile and form your
Beautiful eyes canst make out
A faint whispering amiability
Though confused between spirit and physics
Who else will lay my subtle influence thereupon

I wonder if Faust ought have considered
Asking the Lord
To help him recover
A humble downtrodden street urchin
Risking all manner of personal crises
To wisk and wisp away
Turning urchin into lady, proud and welcome
O Faust, I have no wonder ye lost yer mind
I nearly did, though the better way was mine!
May lord bless her and I
May he bless us together still
May the widows stone be not cast against us!

11/08/2004

The Channel

The Price is Right:
The channel ain't on TV and it's a revolution
It's with dolphins in the seaweed crying retribution
If you believe it constitutes alienation
Letters not explicit in the Alphabet Soup
--but obvious in the Soup of Creation

The world ain't at it's end I vow to save it
By turning off the TV I get that I can't have it
And begin to realize all I needed was Jesus
Namyohorengekyo, prayer of thanksgiving who gave it.

10/19/2004

You Can Pretend

Said the admirer of true heart:
Maybe after being f----d over
By piece-of-s--- men your whole life
You think you deserve a man that cheats on you.
You've learned to expect it;
To trust despite it.
And now you've been twisted to believe
All is well. For while he takes advantage
You can be sure it repeats
And thus it's a cycle
And even though he's bad for you
He continues an illusion of consistancy,
Which creates in you a false sense of security
And you can pretend you're really in love.

9/07/2004

Too True

The Price is Right:
I could fall in love with anyone right now
There's something so special about me
Just anyone could help me take the pain away
And there doesn't have to be any

Just anyone could move my heart
And make me feel at home everywhere
To Ask me "do you love me"
I say "Yes and I love you wholly"

And it could be forever
If you want it that way
I really feel like this about everyone
There's nobody on my mind in particular

Do you know what I mean?
How could this be asking to much?
I feel like I love you
But I never know what I really want

I'm just a silly boy
My feeling don't mean anything
I'm just waiting for anyone really
No one in particular

9/03/2004

Determined

The Price is Right:
Now that I've found a calling
I can ask the question 'who God is?'
I can get my way if I work and pray
And never give up my positivity

To assert my position with deliberation
Is to accept the mission with evisceration
To have no question that I can't answer
Like why I turned away the pretty dancer

I pretend that I'd do it again
As I sit alone on this here bench
Solace and suvival instict was payed
No advice but Lord's Will displayed

I'll permit myself only the right action
I forward my progress without distraction
Under His permission and my assurance
To wander no more in base imprudence

8/31/2004

Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer

The Price is Right: A song I wrote myself in the 9th grade.

Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Had a very shiny pipe
And if you ever sold him
He'd smoke weed of any type

All of the other reindeer
Thought he was a real asshole
They never let poor Rudolph
In on any reindeer bowls

Then one cloud-nine Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph with your pipe so bright
Won't you smoke us up tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him
And they showered him with tree
Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Smoke another bowl with me

8/24/2004

The Price is Right: So I can get totally ripped for almost free at my downtown pharmacy. Try this mixture:
Zak's Boom-Fizz Herb Toke.
1 g Damiana (Turnera diffusa aphrodisiaca)
1 g Coltsfoot (Asarum canadense)
.5 g Datura (Datura stramonium)
And roll it all up or smoke it in your pipe.
The cost: buy all ingredients by the ounce and have 30 doses for US$4.00!
It went great with smooth a Kentucky Bourbon by the name of Ezra Brooks (great standalone whiskey, too btw).
Not quite as good as Salvia Divinatorum but if you really like that horrible stuff this mix might not do it for you. But I "highly" recommend it if you are looking for a cheap, legal buzz.

7/25/2004

The Price is Right:
Dumb Jokes From Wisconsin!

Q. Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a semi?
A. Because he was playin' On the Road Again.

Q. How do you break a geek's finger?
A. Punch him in the nose.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse divorce Minnie Mouse?
A. Because she was f----n' Goofy.

Q. How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to want to change.

Q. What's purple, two feet long, and goes like this? (funny face)
A. I don't know either but it's right there. (point to shoulder)

10/03/2003

The Price is Right: Could college be easier? It takes a mere 50 hours of my life every week. But, hey, it's not decorative stucco or some shitty job like that.
____________________________
I know you wanna get laid tonight
But I'm tryin' ta get paid tonight
We ain't even gotta fuss and fight
Just hit me right; it's on all night
I know you wanna get in bed with me
But, you gotta come correctly
Nothin' in life is free: Especially not me.
-Chyna Whyte, "Nothins Free", Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz Kings of Crunk, (c) 2002 TVT Records
____________________________
Well, at least, Chyna you tellin me this 'fo we git started. I had a girl just disappear with my CDs and wallet.

10/02/2003

Skippin school is an important part of your education. It tells your professors where they stand. Namely, that they're getting paid $75,000 a year and you're going to make it easy for them.
P.S. Put yo' hood up! Bia-bia! Okay!

7/31/2003

I went to get my Kia fixed. They brought out the loaner; a 197? Dodge icecream truck. I asked, "Is there anyway to turn off those damn bells?"
"Sure," replied the mechanic, "you just turn the engine off."