Conversations 3: Amergin

Z: Amergin the unequaled bard. May wrest you from your
A: Hello, Volkey.
Z: I wonder will I convince Cara of my true intent?
A: I have no dowbt. However, you are not protecting her
as you have. She does not need your help and so
to garner her you will give her many thoughtful gifts.
Z: Why callest me by the new name?
A: I wish to enforce your confidence and to speak to the
both of you the same.
Z: Are things looking up for me now?
A: Things are looking up and how!
Z: Shall I make a list or not count the chickens unhatched?
A: Thou shalt find a good hour and count the few pennies
still latched. And be cunning shoulst thou in how 'tis
Z: Shall I look for else than that now apparent?
A: Thou shouldst make thyself ready to be salient.
Z: I've held that destiny will shine to make my beautious
favor mine. Wouldst thou divine?
A: I would and of proper court you shall be appointed.
Z: Of spirit, how will I next be anointed?
A: To be the teacher and the brother and the boyfriend.
Z: Will it be more than either couldst handle?
A: Next to none shall any ever hold a candle.
Your wise choice to be her only
And storm her with proper coventry
Was the best you could have done in valor
And have beren awarded a mate without palor.
Z: Thank you kindly for your opinion
A: Bless you and all your dominion.
Z: And to you, farewell.

Conversations 2: Etain

Z: Etain, hello fairest as the swan
Would you like to speak to me?
E: Hello, I've never met you before.
Where did you find my name?
Z: In a book of Celtic Myth.
E: I see. How can I help you?
Z: I wish to ask your advice for love.
E: I see. Do you have one in mind?
Z: Her name is Cara, she is confused and requires my help.
E: I see. Do you love her?
Z: As I fail my hear grows ever darker.
E: I see. Why do you suppose that is?
Z: I think she finds me unattractive or too old.
E: I see. How old are you?
Z: 26 she is 18.
E: I see. A bit of a stretch, but love forevermore is ageless.
Z: How was it that you came to love Eochy?
E: Oh. Well, he was beautiful and proved his love in new ways
Everyday until we parted by death.
Z: I would like that but my confidence is lacking.
E: Well, don't ever think you'll get it for free.
You must prove yourself to her.
Z: I will bring her flowers and such.
E: Well, more than flowers. You must maker her laugh
and smile. And when she's down you must comfort her.
Z: I always try to keep her happy. I crack jokes when
she's cross and tell her she's beautiful when she smiles.
E: That's so sweet. You must be honest to her though.
Z: I am; her smile is like the Sun to me. A day is not complete without it.
E: I see. You must marry her then if you feel so strong.
But if she is apprehensive as you say you have your work cut out for you.
Z: Do you think it's trus love if it's so difficult?
E: I think that's a question that will answer itself with time.
Will she recognise what you are doing for her as the real love it obviously is
or will she give in to youthful carelessness and seek it with other men.
She may not be ready to settle. She will likely want to sow her oats.
Z: How can I prove to her what I already know from expirience:
that a rich friendship between us is so rare that she may not find better?
E: You cannot. She will have to find out on her own in due time.
Eventually she will want to be loved by you if you remain sweet and caring.
Z: Will you wish me good luck in finding a job?
E: I will bless you to recieve work this Thanksgiving.
Z: Are you still here?
Blessed be.
E: Blessed be Ducky. You shall have her soon I think.


Conversations: Taliesin 1

[Zak draws an imaginary circle with his index to the earth
lights four candles beginning with one set upon the chair
serving as an East altar.]
Z: Taliesin.
T: Hello. I hope you like my old song of love you know.
-- "Once upon a day of reckoning,
-- I sold the world to beckoning. "
-- Hello, Zak. How are you?
Z: Yet again with love unrequite.
T: I see; you should tell me about her.
Z: Blonde and blue; fair and true.
T: I see; beautiful. How shall I give thee help?
Z: I wish to enrapture her,
-- For she loves a spirit I've captured
-- But denies her love to me.
T: I see; quite unusual.
Z: I had her at the brink, but I did not perform on time.
T: I see, now; she given up?
Z: Just friends again.
T: I see; you want more.
-- OK, just keep her near and give her flowers
-- Tell her she's beautiful, your world.
-- And don't ever give up and be ready next time.
Z: Well I need assurance to be brave
-- And wisdom to know when it's time.
T: I see; anytime now,
-- Just be ready and now is best.
Z: I need a job and such.
T: I see; well go for a good lot and settle her down by you.
-- And look deep in her eyes to say, I love you.
-- Go right away, post haste and do not belie her smile.
Z: I should pray for her gentle hand.
T: I think thee wise to ask her hand
-- And fast while she knows your intention is thine own.
-- Your ambition is amourous kinship.
Z: My ambition is desperate embrace!
T: Take thee twenty million flowers
-- And lay them at her feet
-- Never tell her no and always be true.
Z: What if she finds another?
T: Then what will happen to you?
Z: I feel though I may die, as Keats, of a broken heart!
T: Well, then; do not leave her. Treat her as your life.
-- Never give up and protect thy interest forever and ever
-- By taking her hand in thine.
-- And bring her song and wine
-- And roses. Never say die.
-- Always look her straight in the eye.
-- And never let a day be passed
-- When through your lips first and last
-- Twixt has not passed,
-- "I love you with all my heart,"
-- In honest transfixation.
Z: What of her love of old
-- Who treated her as though he owned
-- And left her weekly
-- As she fraught meekly
-- While he betrayed her trust.
-- Though she thinks him the one forever;
-- Though I've conviced her it must be lie.
-- But now I've set her up to think
-- It's a spirit in me I stole from him:
-- The cloak of Mannanan with Volkey
-- (Her love's spirit name) trapped inside!
T: Well, quite a fix you're in old Keats.
-- Methinks you a fool for trying such tricks,
-- But they work by-the-by,
-- Though her true love you might be.
-- To convince her then that it's you and she forever:
-- You must never let her down,
-- Never see her frown,
-- Set upon her head the golden crown
-- Of love beknown,
-- And shout the truth with renown
-- To the whole town.
-- And any else just knock him down
-- With fury and flail
-- Him with fists of mighty gale.
Z: I have no heart for battle thus!
-- Just a wuss
-- With poetic ambition and love in my heart!
T: Well, go ye then to a tavern and cry
-- For to be a man means to try
-- To end the life of anyone who would try
-- To take thy life
-- And thus thy hopeful wife!
Z: Summon me courage then, old friend.
-- Talk to for me to the Four Furies.
T: That is thy own will.
-- It shall not be a sugar pill.
Z: Then I will beat him down and go to jail
-- And forever loose my precious nightingale.
T: Never nas faught a battle right
-- Where summoned courage did not delight
-- The amourous pleasance of such a vexing wight
-- Who wears the crest of midnight upon her breast.
-- Lightning fury thee must divest,
-- Lest ye find her resting upon his chest.
Z: I thank thee old friend for your selfless vestitude.
T: May you be strong in your attitude.
-- Do not fear:
-- Your love will turn to hate if the old one is near.
-- Take care, God and Goddess bless.
-- May ye now find blissful rest.


On Reading Keats

This kan't be true
Is there more gutsy folk then I and Keats?
Should I just skip Endymion then and jump right to Hyperion?
What a fellow was I
To profess my love in public to a hated woman!
Fair one, fair one;
Be ye she, thou, whom I canst not have?
The one whom teases from me such brittle feelings
-that even next week I am quite relieved
--to discover my profession of love
--my honest opinion
--my weasled gentle caress
-have not forced thy disdain hereupon?
That I smile and form your
Beautiful eyes canst make out
A faint whispering amiability
Though confused between spirit and physics
Who else will lay my subtle influence thereupon

I wonder if Faust ought have considered
Asking the Lord
To help him recover
A humble downtrodden street urchin
Risking all manner of personal crises
To wisk and wisp away
Turning urchin into lady, proud and welcome
O Faust, I have no wonder ye lost yer mind
I nearly did, though the better way was mine!
May lord bless her and I
May he bless us together still
May the widows stone be not cast against us!


The Channel

The Price is Right:
The channel ain't on TV and it's a revolution
It's with dolphins in the seaweed crying retribution
If you believe it constitutes alienation
Letters not explicit in the Alphabet Soup
--but obvious in the Soup of Creation

The world ain't at it's end I vow to save it
By turning off the TV I get that I can't have it
And begin to realize all I needed was Jesus
Namyohorengekyo, prayer of thanksgiving who gave it.


You Can Pretend

Said the admirer of true heart:
Maybe after being f----d over
By piece-of-s--- men your whole life
You think you deserve a man that cheats on you.
You've learned to expect it;
To trust despite it.
And now you've been twisted to believe
All is well. For while he takes advantage
You can be sure it repeats
And thus it's a cycle
And even though he's bad for you
He continues an illusion of consistancy,
Which creates in you a false sense of security
And you can pretend you're really in love.


Too True

The Price is Right:
I could fall in love with anyone right now
There's something so special about me
Just anyone could help me take the pain away
And there doesn't have to be any

Just anyone could move my heart
And make me feel at home everywhere
To Ask me "do you love me"
I say "Yes and I love you wholly"

And it could be forever
If you want it that way
I really feel like this about everyone
There's nobody on my mind in particular

Do you know what I mean?
How could this be asking to much?
I feel like I love you
But I never know what I really want

I'm just a silly boy
My feeling don't mean anything
I'm just waiting for anyone really
No one in particular



The Price is Right:
Now that I've found a calling
I can ask the question 'who God is?'
I can get my way if I work and pray
And never give up my positivity

To assert my position with deliberation
Is to accept the mission with evisceration
To have no question that I can't answer
Like why I turned away the pretty dancer

I pretend that I'd do it again
As I sit alone on this here bench
Solace and suvival instict was payed
No advice but Lord's Will displayed

I'll permit myself only the right action
I forward my progress without distraction
Under His permission and my assurance
To wander no more in base imprudence


Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer

The Price is Right: A song I wrote myself in the 9th grade.

Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Had a very shiny pipe
And if you ever sold him
He'd smoke weed of any type

All of the other reindeer
Thought he was a real asshole
They never let poor Rudolph
In on any reindeer bowls

Then one cloud-nine Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph with your pipe so bright
Won't you smoke us up tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him
And they showered him with tree
Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Smoke another bowl with me


The Price is Right: So I can get totally ripped for almost free at my downtown pharmacy. Try this mixture:
Zak's Boom-Fizz Herb Toke.
1 g Damiana (Turnera diffusa aphrodisiaca)
1 g Coltsfoot (Asarum canadense)
.5 g Datura (Datura stramonium)
And roll it all up or smoke it in your pipe.
The cost: buy all ingredients by the ounce and have 30 doses for US$4.00!
It went great with smooth a Kentucky Bourbon by the name of Ezra Brooks (great standalone whiskey, too btw).
Not quite as good as Salvia Divinatorum but if you really like that horrible stuff this mix might not do it for you. But I "highly" recommend it if you are looking for a cheap, legal buzz.


The Price is Right:
Dumb Jokes From Wisconsin!

Q. Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a semi?
A. Because he was playin' On the Road Again.

Q. How do you break a geek's finger?
A. Punch him in the nose.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse divorce Minnie Mouse?
A. Because she was f----n' Goofy.

Q. How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to want to change.

Q. What's purple, two feet long, and goes like this? (funny face)
A. I don't know either but it's right there. (point to shoulder)