Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer

The Price is Right: A song I wrote myself in the 9th grade.

Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Had a very shiny pipe
And if you ever sold him
He'd smoke weed of any type

All of the other reindeer
Thought he was a real asshole
They never let poor Rudolph
In on any reindeer bowls

Then one cloud-nine Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph with your pipe so bright
Won't you smoke us up tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him
And they showered him with tree
Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer
Smoke another bowl with me

The Price is Right: So I can get totally ripped for almost free at my downtown pharmacy. Try this mixture:
Zak's Boom-Fizz Herb Toke.
1 g Damiana (Turnera diffusa aphrodisiaca)
1 g Coltsfoot (Asarum canadense)
.5 g Datura (Datura stramonium)
And roll it all up or smoke it in your pipe.
The cost: buy all ingredients by the ounce and have 30 doses for US$4.00!
It went great with smooth a Kentucky Bourbon by the name of Ezra Brooks (great standalone whiskey, too btw).
Not quite as good as Salvia Divinatorum but if you really like that horrible stuff this mix might not do it for you. But I "highly" recommend it if you are looking for a cheap, legal buzz.

The Price is Right:
Dumb Jokes From Wisconsin!

Q. Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a semi?
A. Because he was playin' On the Road Again.

Q. How do you break a geek's finger?
A. Punch him in the nose.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse divorce Minnie Mouse?
A. Because she was f----n' Goofy.

Q. How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but it takes a long time and the lightbulb has to want to change.

Q. What's purple, two feet long, and goes like this? (funny face)
A. I don't know either but it's right there. (point to shoulder)

The Price is Right: Could college be easier? It takes a mere 50 hours of my life every week. But, hey, it's not decorative stucco or some shitty job like that.
____________________________
I know you wanna get laid tonight
But I'm tryin' ta get paid tonight
We ain't even gotta fuss and fight
Just hit me right; it's on all night
I know you wanna get in bed with me
But, you gotta come correctly
Nothin' in life is free: Especially not me.
-Chyna Whyte, "Nothins Free", Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz Kings of Crunk, (c) 2002 TVT Records
____________________________
Well, at least, Chyna you tellin me this 'fo we git started. I had a girl just disappear with my CDs and wallet.

Skippin school is an important part of your education. It tells your professors where they stand. Namely, that they're getting paid $75,000 a year and you're going to make it easy for them.
P.S. Put yo' hood up! Bia-bia! Okay!

I went to get my Kia fixed. They brought out the loaner; a 197? Dodge icecream truck. I asked, "Is there anyway to turn off those damn bells?"
"Sure," replied the mechanic, "you just turn the engine off."

The Price Is Free

Linux is free. Wi-fi is free. Get them both and be free. Dub ta da izzo. Wi-fi ask wi-fi try wi-fi. You will not go to Hell for dissing Bill Gates. You won't even go to traffic court. It's free. It's free. It's free. Why did you pay for it? Because Dell made you. You had no choice. Try linux, it's free. You can even run Windows on the same hard drive as Linux. And linux is free, try it.